Loved

If you want to rest your head between my hips you need to kiss my scars first

If you want to claim love for me, show me friendship

Every traffic light was red but you painted them green, such a great artist in that way

Painting my reality as if, I deserve this?

So eloquent with words you never had any

Growing silences while unanswered questions piled up,only to get them when it was too late,

Spit your lies into my mouth and ill keep hoping you ask for permission first next time

Read receipts, full voicemails, do not disturb, can we talk about this later, bright red notifications that I chose to ignore

You claim your lucky to have me but I feel cheap and your cashing in on your investments

Only kissing me behind closed doors while you showcase your talents to a stranger for me to applaud

Staying up all night because that was the only time of day you’d give me

I never talked about us, how do I brag about you loving me most when I was in pain

What do I say when they ask how were doing and my answer is idrk

When you say you don’t have time for me ill wonder if you ever will

In the meantime ill lose sleep just to let you caress my leg

Ill wait till  you say my name as you cum because that’s when you hold my hand the tightest

Ill get down on my knees so you can feel like the king you are, and ill listen when you say you love me as you rest your feet on my back

Checking to show me your receipts but I trust your word in the way that ill always have anxiety around you

In the way that I will only see the good until the bad is seeping into my bloodstream

Infecting my thoughts with false hopes

My skin becomes thick to your harsh jokes and great timing

You repeatedly throwing shame in my face, eventually it started to stick

I wasn’t who you wanted, I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t ever going to be enough, I wasn’t the problem …

We sped into volatile erotica which ended w my heart on a ventilator

A broken mannequin I didn’t ask for and I was left unable to pickup all the pieces

My friends apologizing for the hurt you couldn’t even acknowledge let alone claim

I get dodged then bombarded, I get called boyfriend but not family, listened to but never heard, ill make you a cake for bringing me a cup of fucking water, you deserve it, blow out the candles and ill shove it in your face

-Jealyn